enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize