A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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