im about as happy as oj after his trial
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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