I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
