when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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