your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
