just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
