so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize