matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
