There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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