I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
