If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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