Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
