you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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