dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
