I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
