For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
