i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize