ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
