everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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