I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
