It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
