I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I would ride that face into the sunset
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