Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
