She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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