It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
