Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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