I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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