I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
