I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
