Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize