she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
