Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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