just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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