New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
