Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
