i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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