hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
