I can text with my tongue
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
