and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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