Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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