So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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