it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
