Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
