What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
