whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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