I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Panties = found
Randomize
