you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Everclear isn't food dammit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
