Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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