I hate all girls vehemently.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
