it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
