Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
