You work out of a Hotel?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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