Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
