I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
