My room smells like vodka and shame
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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