I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize