They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize