Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
