i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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