Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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