New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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