The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
