Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
