.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
