At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
