haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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