I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
