Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
