birth control should be required to get into college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize