So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
