I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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