I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
