i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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