they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
