you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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