I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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