Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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