Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
