Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
