oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
