we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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