Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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