Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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