Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
