My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
